Impossible!

I had a rude awakening on the scale this morning. I know the numbers don't tell the whole story, and I am smart enough not to obsess (much) about them, but I was disturbed anyway.

I gained four pounds this week??? Impossible!!!!

Okay, I admit I didn't have the best of weeks. Last Friday's "Girls' Night" was a feast, and that led to leftovers, which I didn't want to waste! So every now and then, I had a slice of pizza in place of my usual Jenny meal. And I couldn't throw out that delectable ice cream pie Jen was so sweet to bring over, so I dug into that a little bit every day. But I worked out quite a bit and have been very active at my job. The bottom line is that I've done much worse while on this program and have not gained an ounce.

So what gives???

I'm not sure. Maybe the scale has issues. (Don't laugh -- that could be true!) The battery is pretty old, and I was getting "Error" messages when I first got on it. Perhaps the reading was simply off. Or maybe working out is building my muscle (which I can feel) to the point where it's affecting my overall weight. After all, muscle does weigh more than fat.

My co-workers were pretty empathetic when I recounted my annoyances this morning. One of them told me not to worry, and that how I feel is more important than what the scale says, which I believe is true. Still, it shook my psyche a little.

I'm at the point where I think I still need Jenny -- but, quite frankly, it's getting a bit expensive. Our ecomony sucks at the moment, and it's definitely affecting my wallet. I own a gas guzzler (which I was very, very grateful to receive) and end up putting about $60 in it every 10 days or so. I'm also flying home a lot more often for family and friends (which I don't regret one bit!), so that's getting a bit pricey, too. I'm struggling to decide if I should keep paying the price for the program or leave it and try to move forward on my own. Honestly, I don't think I can do this by myself right now. I think I need to reach my goal before I can cut all ties. My bank account, however, tells me otherwise.

What to do???

Reflection

So I've had a pretty good week... no, scratch that -- I've had a great week. I'm getting back into the mode of wanting to reach my goal. I dropped two more pounds in the last seven days, bringing my total to 32 since March 29th. Not bad!

I had a major moment of reflection last night. My consultant told me that she and her co-workers are always recommending their clients for Jenny Craig ads. She asked me if I had any dramatic "before" photos showing how much I weighed before joining. "Yeah," I replied with a tone of disgust. "Believe me, I have plenty of those!" Later, I sent Tanya (my consultant) two pictures: one from about a year ago, and another from my sister's engagement party in August. Tanya could not believe what she saw.

"Oh my goodness!" she wrote. "You are a goddess of beauty! I would have never known the two photos were of the same person! You are very pretty in the first photo, don’t get me wrong. But the second photo is amazing! Also, your smiles are very different. You look so radiant, confident, and happy in the second photo!"

Her comments were flattering, but they also hit a very emotional spot for me. I still can't believe that I let myself get as heavy as I did. I can't believe men found me attractive and that I was confident enough to think I looked great. I can't believe I didn't get on an exercise and diet plan before. I can't believe it took me this long to finally wake up and see that I had to do something for the sake of my health. But I guess we all learn our own personal lessons in due time. Maybe I wasn't meant to take control until now. Who knows? I am just thankful I finally did. I shouldn't look back and think about what could have been. I should only look forward to the future.

Getting there . . .

Ever had a really, really good workout? Like one that changes your entire outlook on life? I had one of those today. I went to the gym for the first time in about a month, and I instantly felt rejuvinated, like there was nothing I couldn't do. It's odd -- I had to pretty much force myself to get up and go, but once I got there and started on the elliptical machine, listening to my iPod, it was as if there was no stopping me. "I am going to reach my goal, dammit!" I kept telling myself. "And I'm going to stop making excuses!"

I don't know exactly what caused this spur of motivation, but maybe it has something to do with last weekend. I was reunited with my childhood buddies at a friend's wedding back home, and a lot of people told me how great I looked. Some of my parents' friends claimed they didn't even recognize me! That sounded kind of strange, but I understood what they were getting at. The compliments woke me up and begged the question: where did my dedication go?

I've declared several times in the past few weeks that I would get back on track, but that hasn't gone so well. At the risk of crying wolf again, things really do feel different at this moment. I feel different. I've found my desire again, my will to push on. I'm pretty sure I won't reach my goal by my 25th birthday at the end of the month, but at least I'm staying more positive now than I have in awhile. And I think my improved mindset is a strong step in the right direction.

One more time!

Five months after first joining Jenny Craig, I'm wiping the slate clean once more. Up to this point, I've been pretty successful, losing almost 30 pounds since March. But for the last few weeks, my motivation has completely disappeared, and I just can't seem to get it back.

Today, I start over... again.

I knew this would happen, which is why I signed up for the program as soon as I found out my sister was engaged. I anticipated there'd be times when I'd fall off the wagon and not want to stick with it anymore. In my heart of hearts, even though I knew I could do it, I also realized I needed some wiggle room. And I proved myself right this summer.

So as August wraps up, and my birth month approaches, I'm re-shaping my attitude. I did it once -- why not again? I'm planning on sticking with the menu more, now that I know how my work day shapes out. With school starting next week, I'm going to need those meals when I don't have time to go somewhere... I've even laid out a new exercise routine for myself, which I actually began this morning. Running, by the way, is hard!!! Man... hitting the pavement is sooooo much more challenging than using a tredmill at the gym. Every one of my muscles hurts. But I consider this a much-needed wake-up call. Clearly, I am horribly out of shape. So I'm going to use this part of my routine to gauge my progress (ie. can I make it from my house to the fire hydrant four blocks away without totally losing my breath?). I'm hoping this will keep me on track and motivate me to want to do even better.

You're probably sick of hearing me declaring that I'll change every two weeks... but dammit, I'm doing it again!

Addendum

After re-reading my previous entry, I feel like I need to clarify something (and no, no one has commented on this issue -- it's just something I realized after taking a second look at my blog).

As crappy as it was to work weekends for almost three years, I can say wholeheartedly that I had a FABULOUS time with my coworkers who were also stuck on that shift. They are amazingly talented and caring beyond words, and I don't regret any of the time we spent together. They helped me create some great memories that we'll all surely remember; they MADE that time tolerable! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I wasn't knocking my weekend friends in my last entry... just the days we had to be in the newsroom.

Hopefully you guys all know how much I love and miss being with you!

Confusion

My life has taken a lot of twists and turns in the past few weeks, which has undoubtedly affected my diet. The biggest change involves my career.

As most of you know, I was a news producer for the past three years. At first, it was awesome -- I felt connected to the rest of the world by getting a first look at headlines from across the globe. The energy in the newsroom was unbelievable -- excitement mixed with anxiety and a major sense of accomplishment. I felt like I belonged, like I was making a difference in people's lives.

Then reality hit.

I could go on about this forever, but in a nutshell, the sacrificies for such a career truly didn't end up being worth it for me. I worked weekends for the last two-and-a-half years. I missed weddings and birthday parties and countless holidays. I never knew if I'd get to see my family on Christmas until almost Thanksgiving. The stress made me feel bitter and angry. My bosses were idiots with no consideration for their subordinates. I knew it was time to get out, even though I had signed a contract, and I still had a couple of months to go. Simply put - I was miserable, and I needed a sense of stability.

Now, I'm on the other side of the game, working in the marketing/public relations department for a university. As grateful as I was to be free, I have to admit, my first couple of days were agonizing. It was so hard getting used to the idea that I didn't have to be busy every second of the day. My phone wasn't ringing constantly, and it was okay to go home without having finished the tasks I set out to do that day. I'm still trying to get used to it all, but I am happy to say that I get to clock out at 5 like normal people, and I don't have to sit in the office on the weekends anymore. Plus, my new boss seems like an amazing leader with a lot to teach me. Overall, I know things are going to get better. Still, adjusting to this new lifestyle is presenting me with some psychological challenges.

One thing I'm having trouble with now is sticking to my diet. I've only been ordering half the amount of Jenny food I did when I first started the program, since I am more than halfway to my goal. I eat Jenny breakfast in the morning before work, but then lunch comes around, and I'm down in the school cafeteria (which is surprisingly yummy) with my new coworkers. I don't want to be anti-social! When I come home for dinner, I try to eat my Jenny food. Lately, though, it's been tough because dinner time is the only time I can see my good ol' buddies at the station. So not only am I having difficulty sticking to my diet -- I'm also clearly spending too much money.

I tried on some clothes today at the mall, and the good news is that it doesn't seem I've gained any weight... but I haven't stepped on the scale in almost a month. I'm just too scared to see the number. I keep telling myself I have to get back on track, that I still have a few pounds to go. It's just harder now for some reason than it was before.

I'm making a pledge here and now to keep moving forward. I hope this public declaration will push me not to give up. I've come this far... I might as well reach my target!

Validation!

So, for awhile, I was feeling pretty down about myself. As I mentioned before, I've only lost a couple of pounds this month, which bummed me out because, at one point, I was dropping 3 pounds a week. I felt I'd lost momentum, like I was going down the open country road at 60 mph, then got caught behind a semi-truck going 35, with the double line preventing me from passing... And what's worse is that I haven't felt like I have the supportive consultant I once did, someone who keeps my spirits up and inspires me not to stop now. My previous consultant's office closed down, so they assigned me a new one. Not only does she seem to not give a crap about my issues, but she never calls when she's supposed to! I'm about to get in touch with Jenny Craig and tell them I need someone better. But I digress...

Just as I was at my lowest point in a long time, I took my frugal self to the mall to take advantage of some big discounts at my favorite store, New York & Company. This is where the validation part comes in. As I was trying on the plethora of clothes that were up to 70% off, I realized some of them were just way too big... I needed a size smaller! What? That can't be right... So I got the smaller sizes, tried them on, and, voila! I had actually dropped another size. Who woulda thought? I was fitting into clothes that I would never have been able to wear before... Wow. Naturally, I spent a pretty penny on those smaller clothes because I was so relieved that I still *was* making progress.

I learned a good lesson in all of this. The scale really doesn't tell the whole story. Maybe my body is at a point where it's trying to readjust. I have lost about 8 inches off my waist since starting this diet. I guess I just need to be more patient and let whatever happens happens. All I can do is try to make the best decisions for myself and let science take over from there.

Finding Inspiration

I've had a rough couple of weeks in life. My schedule has been all over the place, I have a 25 page paper due on Tuesday, and I just quit my job to take a new one (yay!). Whether good or bad, all of this fluxuation has undoubtedly affected my diet. I've done my best to stick with Jenny throughout, but that hasn't always happened. For some reason, I've lost my inspiration, and I've veered off the menu on more than one occassion. I haven't gone the fast-food route, but I've certainly consumed a lot more sugar than I'm supposed to have. I also haven't had as much time to exercise as I would like. I've tried to make up for it by doing little things: walking the dogs, trying out the Yoga Booty Ballet DVDs Michelle let me borrow (thanks again!!), et cetera. But the results are not nearly as great as they were in the beginning of this program.

Have I really lost that much steam?

The good news in all of this is that I haven't gained any weight. But looking back at my log this morning, I realized I only lost 3 lbs this entire month! I was losing up to 10 every four weeks. Is my body trying to tell me something? I'm not sure.

I'm certainly not giving up, but I've reassessed my goals and decided that my target is now 155, not 150 as I'd previously written. That means I have 17 more lbs to go. I think I can do that in the next two months. I just have to find my inspiration again!

Slowing down

I was on a roll on this diet thing up until about 3 weeks ago. Bottom line: I don't feel nearly as motivated now as I did as recently as last month. I'm working hard not to blow it, having lost 27 lbs. already. Lately, however, I've been going out more than I used to and treating myself to things I wouldn't have ordered when I first started the program. Having said that, this is also the time I need to teach myself to eat right off of Jenny Craig. I only got 2 weeks worth of food in my last order to use over the course of a month, so that's a start.

I honestly think stress is playing a role in my changed attitude. I'm in the mist of trying to get things in order in my professional life, and I think all the anticpation and wondering and worrying has taken its toll on me. Today, for example, I was up at 3am to be into work by 4, but I only had three hours of sleep, and I ended up eating one extra meal because I was up for such a long time... Also, I've been exercising more, which increases my appetite, so I find that I'm more hungry these days.

I'm a little scared to step on the scale tomorrow. I don't think I've gained anything back, but I'll be surprised if I lost more than a pound this week. I really have to keep going and stop making excuses. As I've said, I'm more than halfway to my goal, and I just can't stop now. Hopefully, I'm only going through a short rough patch that will clear up soon.

Oops...

Ok, so that whole thing about being more strict -- pretend I never said it! There were so many sweet treats last week for Alva's last days at work that I just couldn't resist... cakes, cupcakes, dinners out, you name it. I think I did pretty well considering how much I COULD have pigged out... but I know I consumed way more sugar than I should have!

Having said that, I think I'm at the point where I need to start weening myself off of the Jenny Craig meals. I remember after I first signed up that my consultant said when I was halfway to my goal, I'd have to start incorporating "real" food more... so I think now's the time to get that ball rolling. Hopefully, I can continue my success and reach the 50 lb. mark by my 25th birthday this fall... I only have about 23 more to go, which I think is very doable.

Switching Gears

So these past few days have been pretty chaotic for me. Jorge has been out of town, leaving me to take care of the dogs... I've been trying to make a dent in the 25-page paper I have due in 2 weeks.... and work is, well, work: insane as usual. But something that has really gotten me this week is that Jenny changed my consultant on me, the person who calls me every Tuesday night to help track my progress and encourage me not to give up. Donna was nothing short of amazing. She was so encouraging and genuinely happy for me when things went well. And when they were not so good, she still kept my spirits up. Donna was on the program, too, so she understood the trials & tribulations of sticking with it. I felt like she really got me and helped me figure out what my problems were and what I could do to resolve them. Well, they closed down Donna's call center somewhere in Texas, and now I have a girl who just graduated college and probably weighs about 120 pounds. Don't get me wrong -I'm not the judgmental type. However, I could tell from that first phone call that Melissa (I think that's her name) is just trying to bring home a paycheck every couple of weeks. She was totally clueless on my background, the progress I'd made so far, my weaknesses, my goals, etc. I had to fill her in on everything, and I felt like I was the one running the conversation, when it should be the other way around. I'm debating calling Jenny and asking for someone with a little more experience, but I'm going to give it a couple of weeks before I decide for sure. Maybe this girl just needs time to build her personality before she can really help me.

I'm also feeling pretty depressed over my best QC friend leaving me. I work in news, which is a fluid business. People move in and out all the time as they climb the career ladder. But I've never made a friend here like Alva, my partner in crime. We are so much alike and so comfortable around each other that it's like we've been friends all our lives. She's moving on to another career in another town, and I'm really sad about that, even though I am ecstatic about her new opportunity. As you can imagine, there have been a lot of goodbye treats for her these last couple of days, so I really have to control myself and not eat all the cake I see around me. I did have a sliver yesterday, so today, I will abstain.

One last thing I want to touch on in this blog is the scale (dun dun duuunn!!!). I've had pretty good luck on this program, and as of today, I've lost 27 pounds since starting on March 29th. The past couple of weeks, however, I've only been dropping one pound instead of the usual two or three. So I really have to step it up and be more strict with myself. I've had a couple slips here and there, nothing major that I regret. But I can see how the calories are adding up, and I need to take more control over that. I'm more than halfway to my goal, and I can't wait until I get there!

The end is near! . . . in a good way.

As of this past Saturday, I hit a milestone. I learned (courtesy of my handy, dandy bathroom scale) that I had lost 3 more pounds last week... bringing my total to a whopping 25! That's halfway there!

I figured it would take me about 6 months to reach my goal, and it looks like I'm right on track. But whereas it used to be all about the physical results in the beginning, this program now has me changing in ways I never imagined. I'm no supermodel, but I'm much more confident in myself than I used to be. I love shopping for clothes now, especially at stores where I couldn't fit into the stuff before. I wear my swimsuit around friends freely. I don't want to pig out on sugar and empty calories as I instinctively did before.

I've just changed. Period.

I've had some friends and family members approach me, wanting to know more about Jenny Craig, like if it's worth joining. I will say this: it's pretty darn expensive. I probably could be making payments on a car with the money I'm putting toward the program. But I feel it's been worth every cent. Not only has it helped me lose weight, but it has truly changed my attitude toward food. I tell people that Jenny's not a diet -- it's a lifestyle change... for the better. I needed this, and I don't regret one dollar of it.

Almost halfway there

I was scared to weigh myself at the usual time on Saturday, June 14th. We were in the midst of celebrating my cousin's wedding, and I knew I'd eaten more than I'd anticipated (see June 16th entry below). So I skipped it... plus, I couldn't find a scale in the room.

Needless to say, I was pretty nervous when the time came again this past Saturday, wondering if I'd blown my progress. I knew I couldn't have gained back 19 lbs. in a weekend. But I wasn't sure if I could handle any negative fluxuation. I'm not normally big on numbers because I don't think they tell the whole story. Still, I was debating if I should wait another week, if only to maintain my self esteem.

Instead, I sucked it up and stepped on. And I wasn't disappointed. Three more pounds gone! Even though I'd eaten lots of gooey Indian food and hadn't stuck to my diet at all for a good three days, I managed to drop weight. Just to be sure, I weighed myself again... and again... and again. Much to my relief, the number didn't go up.

So... that means since joining Jenny on March 29th, I've lost 22 lbs. My goal is to lose about 50, knowing I'll probably gain some back when I get off the program. My mom thinks that's insane and that I'll look like Kate Moss, which is so far from the truth. I'm supposed to weigh about 155 - 165 for my height. Right now, I'm at 178. Thus, I think my goal is reasonable. Plus, I still have a big ol' tire around my waist and a lot of unwanted fat in my legs and arms. In my mind, I clearly have a ways to go.

I decided that once I get down to 160, I'm going to wean myself off of Jenny and try losing those last 10 lbs. on my own. I think I'm getting to the point where I can control my eating much better than I ever could before. I don't feel the need to snack all the time. I don't crave the fatty foods and sweet desserts I once believed I needed. I'm making as much of a mental transformation as a physical one, and I know I can keep it up... just have to keep moving!

One down, one to go.

Fortunately, the "practice" I got staying awake paid off... I made it through the morning show without feeling like I was going to pass out (not to say I wasn't exhausted by the end, but that's another story!). I also didn't have trouble eating like I thought I would. I was scared that since I got up at 2pm and had to stay awake until 8am the next day, I would be incredibly hungry and blow my diet. Really, though, once I got to work and was busy cranking out the show, I had to *remind* myself to stop and heat up a meal! As far as the exercise goes, it doesn't, haha. I slept all day today, and I probably won't make it to the gym before I have to head back into work tonight. Only one more morning show left (for the forseeable future). Then, who knows?

Blah... morning show

Tonight, I'm doing this thing I do in the days leading up to the times when I have to produce our 2-hour morning show: staying up as late as I possibly can now so I don't pass out later at work. I don't have to go in until Wednesday night, but if I don't "practice" staying awake now, I won't have a chance come Thursday morning.

I only fill in on this show once every few months, and this will be my first time doing it since starting Jenny. I tend to eat a LOT more than I normally would when I work the overnight shift, so I hope I can control myself and stick with my meals... though it will be weird eating dinner at 8 in the morning (not that I haven't done that before).

The bigger problem I face is whether I'll actually have time to exercise. When you have go to into work at 10pm, you tend to sleep all day long. And since this isn't my normal routine, I have no idea if I will have the energy to hit the gym. I just can't wait until it's all over on Friday morning. Ugh!

"It's okay. You're on vacation!"

I'd like to dedicate this entry to a certain someone who is probably reading this because he's bored at work right now. Thanks for encouraging me to keep writing, even if it's just to say that I've got nothing going on whatsoever.

Having said that, these last few weeks haven't been all that exciting on the diet front, but that all changed this weekend. My Midwestern family and I hauled ourselves to Arizona to attend my cousin's beautiful resort wedding, an event I had been looking forward to for a long time. I wasn't just awaiting yet another legendary family party. After two months and two weeks on Jenny Craig, I knew this would be my first big test. Could I put my knowledge to work and eat sensibly amid three days of alcohol, Indian food, and wedding cake? It was a challenge that made me both nervous and excited. I truly felt I was ready to win.

The story really begins at the airport on Friday morning. It was the first time I had seen my parents and sisters since starting the program 19 pounds ago. I was anxious to find out if they noticed a difference in me, especially in the smaller-sized clothes I had just bought. I wasn't disappointed. They couldn't believe the progress I had made up to this point. I also got a positive, encouraging reaction from cousins, aunts, and uncles who hadn't seen me in awhile, either. I can't even begin to describe how amazing that felt.

Now, even with all of this motivation to keep my eye on the prize, I have to confess that I wasn't a very good Jenny client this weekend. I started off fine eating my Jenny breakfasts and fruit in the mornings, but by the time lunch came around, I was scarfing down sandwiches the size of baseball bats and creamy Indian food filled with delectable butter and cheese. Yum. I admit, I did feel a little guilty. I promised myself I wouldn't, but it had been months since I pigged out like that. And one reaction kept creeping up from people around me all weekend: "It's okay. You're on vacation! Enjoy yourself!" Indeed, I was on vacation, and I definitely was enjoying myself. But I'd made a personal vow to try to stay on track as best as possible, which totally didn't happen.

So now the question: did I pass or fail my big exam? Regardless of the fact that I clearly fell off the wagon, I'd say I passed. This weekend, I proved to myself that I don't need food to have a fantastic time. I chose to eat all the goodies around me because I wanted to enjoy them, not because I felt emotionally obligated to chow down, or because I was bored. The bottom line is that I still feel amazing about myself, and I have every intention to get reorganized and continue working on my eating habits. The reaction I got from my family was more than I could ever have wanted, and that has me more motivated than ever.

I started this program for a reason: to change my lifestyle. That takes time and a lot of practice. I won't give up, and I won't let one weekend of indulging alter everything I've worked so hard to achieve up to this point. I probably won't weigh myself for a couple of weeks, but I certainly won't feel incredibly guilty about enjoying myself for a few days.

Not as consistent as I wanted to be

When I started this weight loss endeavor, I planned on blogging about it at least once a week. I thought that this life-altering event would continually inspire me, and that it would all come out in a timely manner. However, that's apparently not the case. I've kept journals all my life (some of which are hilarious to read now. At one point, my biggest stress used to be chemistry class!), but I've usually only written in them when I felt compelled to say something. Such is the case with this blog, I guess. So I've decided I'll keep up with it as long as I feel there's something to talk about.

Last week was kind of difficult for me emotionally. I stepped on the scale on the morning of May 3rd as I do every Saturday, and for a split second, I panicked when those red digits appeared. That can't be right, I thought. So I stepped on it again... and again... and again. The same number popped up every time. I weighed exactly the same as I had the week before. Bummer!!!

Looking back, it really wasn't a big deal. I had lost 10 lbs. up to that point, and it wasn't like I had gained any of it back. But I was still disappointed; I felt like I'd been on a roll until then. My consultant told me that she had expected this. Apparently, as we begin to lose weight, our bodies need to find a balance, which means we might plateau for awhile. I had also been working out a bit more, and I assumed that I was gaining more muscle, which is heavier than fat. Either way, I got it together and kept on track. I was scared I might fall off the wagon after feeling that disappointed, but it only motivated me to want to keep working toward my goal.

I was happy to see that my plateau had seemingly ended this Saturday. I dropped 2 more pounds! That means I'm down 12 since starting this program on March 29th. Not bad!

People keep telling me they can see the difference in me. My clothes feel a lot bigger, but other than that, I can't seem to tell. Then again, I'm always my worst critic.

Here's to keeping up the momentum!

1/5th of the way there

Now that school is over for this trimester and work is a LOT less chaotic with the addition of our newest hire, I finally have more time to focus on myself. Not just in a selfish way, like indulging in a day of laying on the couch, watching Lifetime movies. I also now have the leeway to give myself the attention I deserve on the health front.

Since starting this program exactly one month ago, I'm happy to say that I've lost 10 lbs. That means I'm 1/5th of the way to my goal. Initially, I wanted to lose 40 lbs., but once I realized how fast they were flying off, I decided to tack on another 10 to that number. Rest assured, I have no desire to be skinny. I like my curves, and I intend to keep them. I think losing 50 lbs. is both realistic and healthy, so I'm going to go for it.

One thing I continue to struggle with is exercising. I was never good at that. I played sports in middle and high school, but you would never see me jogging down the block. I hate it, but I make myself do it knowing it will pay off in the end. With school and work, however, I didn't get to the gym much in the last two weeks. And while it hasn't seemed to matter (the weight continues to melt off despite my lack of physical activity), I keep telling myself that I could lose even more if I just went on the tredmill for 45 minutes. So that's my next goal: move my ass! My stomach seems to be the only part of my body that isn't getting smaller, so I clearly need to get going.

I'm hoping to be down a couple of sizes before Rohit's wedding in June. Then there's my sister's engagement party in August... and Gayathri's wedding in September... and Anita's wedding in July '09. Some might find all of this wedding actvity burdensome. But I'm using it to motivate me. So thanks, Rohit, Anita, and Gay, for getting married! You probably don't even know it, but you're partly the reason why I'm finally taking control of my life.

Keeping up the momentum

I want to start off by thanking those of you who are supporting me as I take on this lifestyle challenge. Your comments and encouragement mean the world to me, and it's great to know I have so many friends and family who care about my progress. That alone makes the journey a lot easier. So thank you all very much for taking the time out of your busy lives to tell me that you're proud of me. I couldn't be more honored.

A lot of you have wanted to know how I'm doing so far... Is the program working? Do I like the food? Is it hard to stick with it?

The answer is yes, yes, and no. In the last two weeks, I have dropped five pounds, which I think is great. The food is actually very tasty and filling, even though I've run into a couple of issues with my orders (how hard is it to understand that I don't want beef? Though I have to give Jenny credit - the consultants do address whatever problems arise.). Suprisingly, I haven't found the program difficult to stick with whatsoever. I thought I would always be hungry, but I feel like I'm eating all the time. And I don't have to give up all the not-so-healthy foods I love. Some days I get to eat peanut butter or cheese or cake, and other days I just supplement with fruits and vegetables. Speaking of which, Jenny helped me rediscover the foods I had stopped eating for whatever reason, like oranges. I absolutely love them! Why did I ever stop buying them? Who knows -- probably out of laziness. But now I'm much more aware of how many fruits and veggies I eat and when.

A friend of mine is also doing the program, and she was bummed out the other day because she said she'd fallen off the wagon. I guess she had a rough week and didn't stick with her plan. We had a little chat, and I tried to keep her spirits up. "Don't dwell on it, and don't blame yourself for anything. You'll do great!," I told her. Having her around to talk about the experience really helps me, and I hope I gave her the encouragement she needed, too.

3 down... 37 to go.

I dreaded weighing myself this morning. I hate stepping on the scale, not because I'm ashamed of myself, but because I think there's a stigma attached to actually seeing the number pop up. Since I have to track my weight every week on the Jenny Craig plan, I knew I couldn't avoid it. So after a big sigh of anticipation, I sucked it up and stepped on.

I didn't believe it when I looked down at the first bright red numbers. "That's three fewer pounds than I weighed last week," I thought to myself. "It can't be!" So I tried again... and again... and there it was... the same number... the most amazing number I've ever seen in my life.

The light bulb went off bigtime. "I'm really doing it," I thought.

It's only been one week, but so far, this plan is by far the easiest one I've ever followed. Not only are the meals actually *gasp* good, but I feel like I'm eating all day. Instead of pizza and fries, it's carrots, yogurt, peanut butter and chocolate cake (yes -- cake!!!).

I think I could get used to this...

The food has arrived!

It's here -- the magic box that holds the key to my success. I cannot tell you how happy I was to open it up and see the beauty inside. Sure, Jenny sent me some beef dishes even though I said I didn't want any. But what the hey? Might as well try everything!

The meals really do look great... everything from pancakes to chicken enchiladas to chocolate cake... mmmm... I'm sure after I read the 10,000 books they pack along with the food, I'll be good to go!

As I write this, I'm chowing down on one of the last Sonic Reese's Blasts I'll have for quite some time. Not to sound corny, but in a way, this feels like the last day of my "old" life. Tomorrow, I get a fresh start, a new outlook. I'm glad I've told people about this endeavour. I feel like that will make it easier to stick to the plan.

Wish me luck!

Here it goes . . .

So I'm finally doing it. I'm finally taking a big, serious step to lose weight and get healthy. Like many women, I've battled with my self-image for years. I never thought I was particularly good looking or appealing until I got to college. And even though I was getting more attention from men during that time, I never truly felt sexy or confident in my looks. I was happy being the "tough" girl who didn't need compliments. I still don't need them. But there is something else I need: my health. I don't have any serious conditions now, and I'd like to keep it that way. That means I have to take my weight problem into my own hands and truly learn how to eat better, exercise, and maintain an overall healthy lifestyle. So here it goes.

This isn't my first attempt at such a goal. The summer before my senior year of college, my dad bought me an elliptical machine I could use at home, and I was on that thing for at least an hour a day for three months straight. Friends and family noticed a difference in me, and I felt different, too. But it didn't last. Once I got back to college, I reverted to my old habits; eating pizza at 10 p.m., skipping out on the gym to study, and drinking. My beverage of choice: margaritas filled with empty calories. And since graduating and moving out on my own, I've failed a few other times, too.

So what's different now? Well, in all honesty, my sister's wedding is a huge motivating factor. There will be lots of parties and pictures and videos . . . and I will be damned if I'm the "fat one" in all of them. Granted I truly do want to be healthier, but knowing that she's tying the knot in the next year and a half will likely give me the strength I need to finally accomplish my goals.

This afternoon, I called Jenny. Craig, that is. I love to eat, so I decided I better jump on a plan that teaches me how to eat. I also feel that if I have someone to talk to on a regular basis (ie. the consultant with whom the company sets you up), I won't make excuses. I'll have to answer to someone, so I better do what I'm supposed to be doing.

That was kind of a long intro, but a necessary one, I think. I decided to start this blog so I could track my own progress during this time. I plan to write in it once a week after I talk with my consultant. My goal is to lose about 40 pounds in 6 months. Sounds easy, sure, but I'm keeping my ideals realistic so I don't get flustered halfway through and decide to quit. Perhaps I'll achieve more in less time. But for now, I'm sticking with that. Who knows, maybe I'll also help someone else out there going through the same things.

Here goes nothing . . .