One more time!

Five months after first joining Jenny Craig, I'm wiping the slate clean once more. Up to this point, I've been pretty successful, losing almost 30 pounds since March. But for the last few weeks, my motivation has completely disappeared, and I just can't seem to get it back.

Today, I start over... again.

I knew this would happen, which is why I signed up for the program as soon as I found out my sister was engaged. I anticipated there'd be times when I'd fall off the wagon and not want to stick with it anymore. In my heart of hearts, even though I knew I could do it, I also realized I needed some wiggle room. And I proved myself right this summer.

So as August wraps up, and my birth month approaches, I'm re-shaping my attitude. I did it once -- why not again? I'm planning on sticking with the menu more, now that I know how my work day shapes out. With school starting next week, I'm going to need those meals when I don't have time to go somewhere... I've even laid out a new exercise routine for myself, which I actually began this morning. Running, by the way, is hard!!! Man... hitting the pavement is sooooo much more challenging than using a tredmill at the gym. Every one of my muscles hurts. But I consider this a much-needed wake-up call. Clearly, I am horribly out of shape. So I'm going to use this part of my routine to gauge my progress (ie. can I make it from my house to the fire hydrant four blocks away without totally losing my breath?). I'm hoping this will keep me on track and motivate me to want to do even better.

You're probably sick of hearing me declaring that I'll change every two weeks... but dammit, I'm doing it again!

Addendum

After re-reading my previous entry, I feel like I need to clarify something (and no, no one has commented on this issue -- it's just something I realized after taking a second look at my blog).

As crappy as it was to work weekends for almost three years, I can say wholeheartedly that I had a FABULOUS time with my coworkers who were also stuck on that shift. They are amazingly talented and caring beyond words, and I don't regret any of the time we spent together. They helped me create some great memories that we'll all surely remember; they MADE that time tolerable! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I wasn't knocking my weekend friends in my last entry... just the days we had to be in the newsroom.

Hopefully you guys all know how much I love and miss being with you!

Confusion

My life has taken a lot of twists and turns in the past few weeks, which has undoubtedly affected my diet. The biggest change involves my career.

As most of you know, I was a news producer for the past three years. At first, it was awesome -- I felt connected to the rest of the world by getting a first look at headlines from across the globe. The energy in the newsroom was unbelievable -- excitement mixed with anxiety and a major sense of accomplishment. I felt like I belonged, like I was making a difference in people's lives.

Then reality hit.

I could go on about this forever, but in a nutshell, the sacrificies for such a career truly didn't end up being worth it for me. I worked weekends for the last two-and-a-half years. I missed weddings and birthday parties and countless holidays. I never knew if I'd get to see my family on Christmas until almost Thanksgiving. The stress made me feel bitter and angry. My bosses were idiots with no consideration for their subordinates. I knew it was time to get out, even though I had signed a contract, and I still had a couple of months to go. Simply put - I was miserable, and I needed a sense of stability.

Now, I'm on the other side of the game, working in the marketing/public relations department for a university. As grateful as I was to be free, I have to admit, my first couple of days were agonizing. It was so hard getting used to the idea that I didn't have to be busy every second of the day. My phone wasn't ringing constantly, and it was okay to go home without having finished the tasks I set out to do that day. I'm still trying to get used to it all, but I am happy to say that I get to clock out at 5 like normal people, and I don't have to sit in the office on the weekends anymore. Plus, my new boss seems like an amazing leader with a lot to teach me. Overall, I know things are going to get better. Still, adjusting to this new lifestyle is presenting me with some psychological challenges.

One thing I'm having trouble with now is sticking to my diet. I've only been ordering half the amount of Jenny food I did when I first started the program, since I am more than halfway to my goal. I eat Jenny breakfast in the morning before work, but then lunch comes around, and I'm down in the school cafeteria (which is surprisingly yummy) with my new coworkers. I don't want to be anti-social! When I come home for dinner, I try to eat my Jenny food. Lately, though, it's been tough because dinner time is the only time I can see my good ol' buddies at the station. So not only am I having difficulty sticking to my diet -- I'm also clearly spending too much money.

I tried on some clothes today at the mall, and the good news is that it doesn't seem I've gained any weight... but I haven't stepped on the scale in almost a month. I'm just too scared to see the number. I keep telling myself I have to get back on track, that I still have a few pounds to go. It's just harder now for some reason than it was before.

I'm making a pledge here and now to keep moving forward. I hope this public declaration will push me not to give up. I've come this far... I might as well reach my target!