The end is near! . . . in a good way.

As of this past Saturday, I hit a milestone. I learned (courtesy of my handy, dandy bathroom scale) that I had lost 3 more pounds last week... bringing my total to a whopping 25! That's halfway there!

I figured it would take me about 6 months to reach my goal, and it looks like I'm right on track. But whereas it used to be all about the physical results in the beginning, this program now has me changing in ways I never imagined. I'm no supermodel, but I'm much more confident in myself than I used to be. I love shopping for clothes now, especially at stores where I couldn't fit into the stuff before. I wear my swimsuit around friends freely. I don't want to pig out on sugar and empty calories as I instinctively did before.

I've just changed. Period.

I've had some friends and family members approach me, wanting to know more about Jenny Craig, like if it's worth joining. I will say this: it's pretty darn expensive. I probably could be making payments on a car with the money I'm putting toward the program. But I feel it's been worth every cent. Not only has it helped me lose weight, but it has truly changed my attitude toward food. I tell people that Jenny's not a diet -- it's a lifestyle change... for the better. I needed this, and I don't regret one dollar of it.

Almost halfway there

I was scared to weigh myself at the usual time on Saturday, June 14th. We were in the midst of celebrating my cousin's wedding, and I knew I'd eaten more than I'd anticipated (see June 16th entry below). So I skipped it... plus, I couldn't find a scale in the room.

Needless to say, I was pretty nervous when the time came again this past Saturday, wondering if I'd blown my progress. I knew I couldn't have gained back 19 lbs. in a weekend. But I wasn't sure if I could handle any negative fluxuation. I'm not normally big on numbers because I don't think they tell the whole story. Still, I was debating if I should wait another week, if only to maintain my self esteem.

Instead, I sucked it up and stepped on. And I wasn't disappointed. Three more pounds gone! Even though I'd eaten lots of gooey Indian food and hadn't stuck to my diet at all for a good three days, I managed to drop weight. Just to be sure, I weighed myself again... and again... and again. Much to my relief, the number didn't go up.

So... that means since joining Jenny on March 29th, I've lost 22 lbs. My goal is to lose about 50, knowing I'll probably gain some back when I get off the program. My mom thinks that's insane and that I'll look like Kate Moss, which is so far from the truth. I'm supposed to weigh about 155 - 165 for my height. Right now, I'm at 178. Thus, I think my goal is reasonable. Plus, I still have a big ol' tire around my waist and a lot of unwanted fat in my legs and arms. In my mind, I clearly have a ways to go.

I decided that once I get down to 160, I'm going to wean myself off of Jenny and try losing those last 10 lbs. on my own. I think I'm getting to the point where I can control my eating much better than I ever could before. I don't feel the need to snack all the time. I don't crave the fatty foods and sweet desserts I once believed I needed. I'm making as much of a mental transformation as a physical one, and I know I can keep it up... just have to keep moving!

One down, one to go.

Fortunately, the "practice" I got staying awake paid off... I made it through the morning show without feeling like I was going to pass out (not to say I wasn't exhausted by the end, but that's another story!). I also didn't have trouble eating like I thought I would. I was scared that since I got up at 2pm and had to stay awake until 8am the next day, I would be incredibly hungry and blow my diet. Really, though, once I got to work and was busy cranking out the show, I had to *remind* myself to stop and heat up a meal! As far as the exercise goes, it doesn't, haha. I slept all day today, and I probably won't make it to the gym before I have to head back into work tonight. Only one more morning show left (for the forseeable future). Then, who knows?

Blah... morning show

Tonight, I'm doing this thing I do in the days leading up to the times when I have to produce our 2-hour morning show: staying up as late as I possibly can now so I don't pass out later at work. I don't have to go in until Wednesday night, but if I don't "practice" staying awake now, I won't have a chance come Thursday morning.

I only fill in on this show once every few months, and this will be my first time doing it since starting Jenny. I tend to eat a LOT more than I normally would when I work the overnight shift, so I hope I can control myself and stick with my meals... though it will be weird eating dinner at 8 in the morning (not that I haven't done that before).

The bigger problem I face is whether I'll actually have time to exercise. When you have go to into work at 10pm, you tend to sleep all day long. And since this isn't my normal routine, I have no idea if I will have the energy to hit the gym. I just can't wait until it's all over on Friday morning. Ugh!

"It's okay. You're on vacation!"

I'd like to dedicate this entry to a certain someone who is probably reading this because he's bored at work right now. Thanks for encouraging me to keep writing, even if it's just to say that I've got nothing going on whatsoever.

Having said that, these last few weeks haven't been all that exciting on the diet front, but that all changed this weekend. My Midwestern family and I hauled ourselves to Arizona to attend my cousin's beautiful resort wedding, an event I had been looking forward to for a long time. I wasn't just awaiting yet another legendary family party. After two months and two weeks on Jenny Craig, I knew this would be my first big test. Could I put my knowledge to work and eat sensibly amid three days of alcohol, Indian food, and wedding cake? It was a challenge that made me both nervous and excited. I truly felt I was ready to win.

The story really begins at the airport on Friday morning. It was the first time I had seen my parents and sisters since starting the program 19 pounds ago. I was anxious to find out if they noticed a difference in me, especially in the smaller-sized clothes I had just bought. I wasn't disappointed. They couldn't believe the progress I had made up to this point. I also got a positive, encouraging reaction from cousins, aunts, and uncles who hadn't seen me in awhile, either. I can't even begin to describe how amazing that felt.

Now, even with all of this motivation to keep my eye on the prize, I have to confess that I wasn't a very good Jenny client this weekend. I started off fine eating my Jenny breakfasts and fruit in the mornings, but by the time lunch came around, I was scarfing down sandwiches the size of baseball bats and creamy Indian food filled with delectable butter and cheese. Yum. I admit, I did feel a little guilty. I promised myself I wouldn't, but it had been months since I pigged out like that. And one reaction kept creeping up from people around me all weekend: "It's okay. You're on vacation! Enjoy yourself!" Indeed, I was on vacation, and I definitely was enjoying myself. But I'd made a personal vow to try to stay on track as best as possible, which totally didn't happen.

So now the question: did I pass or fail my big exam? Regardless of the fact that I clearly fell off the wagon, I'd say I passed. This weekend, I proved to myself that I don't need food to have a fantastic time. I chose to eat all the goodies around me because I wanted to enjoy them, not because I felt emotionally obligated to chow down, or because I was bored. The bottom line is that I still feel amazing about myself, and I have every intention to get reorganized and continue working on my eating habits. The reaction I got from my family was more than I could ever have wanted, and that has me more motivated than ever.

I started this program for a reason: to change my lifestyle. That takes time and a lot of practice. I won't give up, and I won't let one weekend of indulging alter everything I've worked so hard to achieve up to this point. I probably won't weigh myself for a couple of weeks, but I certainly won't feel incredibly guilty about enjoying myself for a few days.